a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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