i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
