Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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