you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
