Umm I'm too high to move.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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