how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
