You just made me feel so damn special
So drunk its hurt
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
