well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
