pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
