I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
