I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
