allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
