Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
