there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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