so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
