The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
