WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
