her vagina looked like bernie madoff
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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