My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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