I heard we made out
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
