no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
