if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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