forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
please come you make the beer taste better
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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