all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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