Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
