I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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