Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
