I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
