I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
