Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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