overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We left the knife in your bed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
