epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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