So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
