awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do vagina's smell?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
