Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
