Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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