Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
