Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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