My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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