He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
