dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
