i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
