you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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