He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize