I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
