Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love having hate sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
