maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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