even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
