That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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