haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
