i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
