you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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