Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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