CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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