Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
