I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
