remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
