Someone shit on the floor
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
