yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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