you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
