I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
