Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
