His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i think i just lost a toe
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
