Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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