And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
