so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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