I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
