the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
