Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
