i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
